With the recent celebration of Mother’s Day (my first), I found my self lost in thought for the past couple days about this crazy ‘club’ I recently joined and what it means to me…
Not defined with words. It’s an experience, an emotion, a look, a feel, a smell, a smile, a giggle, a snuggle that you wish could be just a little longer. Long nights, short showers, tall lattes and small hands and feet that you are constantly amazed by. No more staying out and sleeping in. The days are long but also too fast. Exhaustion is acceptable because you have years to catch up on sleep but not enough years to do everything you want with your curious little sponges.
As a mother I find it hard to get a break but when I do, my mind is consumed with my babes. They are my life. It’s an indescribable feeling being a mom. It’s that moment when you look into your children’s eyes and see purity and honest love and think, wow. Just wow – no other words. It’s the moment (or many moments) when nothing in the world matters… not your hair, your clothes, your home, that pile of dishes or laundry, or even the smell of diaper in the air (and you swear one is hiding somewhere). But why care when your little ones are happy and the mutual love you share has no judgement and is bigger than anything in the world.
I am relieved and self-impressed on a daily basis that I actually got through the day. It can be hard. It’s hard keeping up with change. It’s hard being brave enough to admit that it’s hard. I smile through tears on rough days or find myself quietly laughing during an extremely loud dual scream/cry session because I’ve come to the understanding that it’s normal but ridiculous and slightly comical… and so loud at times that the dog howls along with them. I’ll find myself thinking, “well, why not make it a family thing? I’ll just cry too…”. In the midst of chaos (life), it can be really hard to stop and think, “I am doing this and I am so lucky.” It’s easy to discredit what we do until we sit down and reflect, until we step away and peak in from the outside, until we hear those little sounds of need and see those arms reach up for us.
I know most of what I write is cliche, gushy, maybe a bit over the top but this is nothing compared to that gut wrenching (in a good way), heavy hearted feeling I get when I think of these two little people that are in this world because of me and my main man ;). From the day I found out I was pregnant until today, I am a completely changed woman and I would never go back.
Ahh, this thing called Motherhood. Amazing, breathtaking, overwhelming, crazy (I still have to pinch myself) experience called Motherhood.